Dyslexics poets write inverse. (thanks to Lynn Lisk)
My car is a status symbol. The symbol of me being poor! (thanks to Cydney Troupe)
I may be fat, but you're ugly - and I can diet. (thanks to Alex Garofalo)
I have PMS and a handgun. Any questions? (thanks to Colleen Sievert)
JESUS SAVES, he passes to Noah who shoots and SCORES! (thanks to Simon Howes)
Where am I going? And why am I in a handbasket? (thanks to GNNR16)
JESUS SAVES at Banco de Mexico (thanks to Martin Mooney)
My next car is a Bentley*. [* conditions apply] (thanks to Satya)
Insanity: a small price to pay for sheer brilliance! (thanks to Darlene Forsman)
Heavily medicated for your safety. (thanks to Darlene Forsman)
Jack is Lord (Honolulu PD) (thanks to Martin Mooney)
God loves you, he just has an unusual way of showing it. (thanks to Darlene Forsman)
If at first you don't succeed, why bother? Your honor student will take care of it. (thanks to Darlene Forsman)
ANKH if you Love Horus. (thanks to Martin Mooney)
Sure, I believe in God. Now where are the miracles? (thanks to Darlene Forsman)
WWGD: What would Groucho Do? (thanks to Martin Mooney)
I'm the product of a secret government project. (thanks to Darlene Forsman)
My Airman fights for your honor student's freedom! (thanks to Brandon Alexander)
I have an IQ in the top 2%. Who cares about the other 95%?
I can't get enough minimalism. (thanks to Mark)
Sanity is back-ordered. Sarcasm is in unlimited supply. (thanks to Darlene Forsman)
I'm not bossy, I just know what you should be doing. (thanks to Eggs Benedict)
Egrets? I've had a few. (thanks to Frank)
I'm so far behind, I thought I was first.
I am the English Teacher about whom your mother warned you. (thanks to Eggs Benedict)
Five days a week, my body is a temple. The other two, it's an amusement park. (thanks to Skip Tucker)
My idea of a team effort is a lot of people doing whatever I say. (thanks to Jacob)
As a matter of fact, I DID sleep in these clothes. (thanks to Darlene Forsman)
That's irrelevant, and irrelevant never forgets. (thanks to Adam Cochran)
Learn Spanish! Jesus is coming. (thanks to Moon Child on Mars)
Without sports, this bumper sticker would be about my honor student. (thanks to Martin Mooney)
I'm 33 1/3 RPM in an iPod world. (thanks to Eggs Benedict)
Apathy: I could take it or leave it.
If you drink, don't park. Accidents cause people. (thanks to Skip Tucker)
There's no right way to eat a Rhesus.
I don't know why I'm even out of bed.
Stupidity: too steep a price for marrying your sibling. (thanks to Darlene Forsman)
My child serves honor rolls at Baker College. (thanks to Martin Mooney)
If life gives you peanuts, make peanut butter. (thanks to Kim Jonathans-Kepel)
Inside every large program is a small program trying to get out. (thanks to Warren)
Beer is now cheaper than gas. Drink, don't drive! (thanks to Kevin Germain)
If I'm talking, everyone should be taking notes. (thanks to Jacob)
You are 98% chimp.
Where is the rapture when you need it? (thanks to Bill Robinson)
Faster than a speeding ticket. (thanks to Conrad K.)
Better half a slogan... (thanks to Silly Wommers)
People who think they know it all really annoy those of us who do. (thanks to Judy McGuire)
Ham radio operators do it with greater frequency. (thanks to Bil Munsil)
I have a perfect body. It's your vision that's defective. (thanks to Jacob)
I never thought I'd miss Nixon. (thanks to Amber)
Well, at least the war on the environment is going well. (thanks to Sarah Lang)
Jesus loves me, this I know - that is why I don't drive slow! (thanks to Elisha Cheverie)
Just be happy I'm not a twin. (thanks to Jacob)
I'm not perfect, but I'm so close that it scares me. (thanks to Darlene Forsman)
Churches only worship the prophet margin. (thanks to John Wilson)
Screw world peace, visualize DRIVING. (thanks to Mac S. Asti)
You probably don't recognize me without the cape. (thanks to Jacob)
Don't believe everything you think. (thanks to Michael D.)
My feminine side is lesbian. (thanks to Justin Kinser)
Without geometry, life is pointless. (thanks to Ryan Mazonis)
WWJD (Who Wants Jelly Donuts?) (thanks to Craig)
I'm schizophrenic and so am I. (thanks to Sasori)
Cats make everything taste better. (thanks to Gray)
Stable relationships are for horses. (thanks to Graham)
Your body would look good in my trunk. (thanks to Tiens)
Just say NO to negativity. (thanks to Kevin McKinley)
I thought I was indecisive; now I'm not so sure.
333: I'm only half evil. (thanks to Darlene Forsman)
I read the Constitution for the articles.
When life hands you gators, make Gatorade. (thanks to Jordan)
I've heard about the evils of drinking beer, so I gave up reading.
Beer doesn't make you fat. It makes you lean (against doors, tables, walls).
My gamer fragged your honor student. (thanks to Shaun)
The bigger the hat, the better the cowboy.
My dog is smarter than your honor student. (thanks to Gray)
I feel better after I wine a little.
Cat: the other white meat. (thanks to Darlene Forsman)
Squirrels - nature's speed bumps. (thanks to Brandi)
I'm still a hot babe, but now it it comes in flashes.
I'm not saying you're a monkey, but take this banana and scram. (thanks to Jacob)
National Spellling Bee Runer-Up
The winner of the rat race is still a rat. (thanks to Jake)
Proud parent of a honer student at Cutlery College. (thanks to Martin Mooney)
The Moral Majority is neither. (thanks to Bromond)
Dyslexics Untie! (thanks to Frank)
Sorry if I look interested, I'm not!
I would rather hunt with Dick Cheney than drive with Ted Kennedy. (thanks to Steve)
When I want your opinion, I'll beat it out of you.
In case of rapture, can I have your car? (thanks to Ariana Moseley)
Custer wore an Arrow shirt. (thanks to Jake)
I'm pink, therefore I'm SPAM.
I love animals. They're delicious. (thanks to Ryan)
I poke badgers with spoons.
Be alert. The world needs more lerts.
I'm going compostal for the environment. (thanks to Darlene Forsman)
Keep on working, millions on welfare depend on you!
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
Veni, Vidi, VD. I came, I saw, I cankered.
I didn't climb to the top of the food chain to become a vegetarian!
Alcohol and calculus don't mix. DON'T DRINK AND DERIVE!
Kids in the back seat cause accidents; Accidents in the back seat cause kids.
Money is the root of all evil. For more information, send $10 to me.
That's not a haircut, it's a cry for help.
If you observe this vehicle being operated in an unsafe manner, please try to think of it as one more anomoly in the cosmic order. (thanks to Clement Anthony)
If God is within, I hope he likes enchiladas!
So many stupid people, and so few asteroids.
Want a little taste of religion? Bite the minister.
I didn't believe in reincarnation in my last life, either!
Life is too short to worry about how short life is. (thanks to Jacob)
Excess is never too much in moderation.
Conserve toilet paper - use both sides. (thanks to Frederick J. Hetrick)
My mind is like a steel trap. Rusty and illegal in most states.
To err is human, to moo bovine.
Think globally, Act galactically.
My wife says I should get up and go to work, but the voices in my head say I should stay home and clean my guns.
Iambic pentameter in motion. (thanks to Jacob)
If it's not one thing, it's your mother.
Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.
Don't believe everything you think.
Help your local Search & Rescue. Get lost!
Carpe Diem = Seize the day. Carp In Denim = Fish in pants.
Life is short. So buy the shoes!
Crap! This is a terrible time for the meds to wear off. (thanks to Darlene Forsman)
Never believe generalizations.
The generation of random numbers is too important to leave to chance.
I don't think, therefore I am not.
Jesus saves. He uses double coupons.
Avoid alliterations always.
Fishermen don't die, they just smell that way. (thanks to CW)
Dyslexics are teople poo.
Jesus is coming. Look busy! (thanks to Buddy)
Say "NO" to drugs. That will bring the prices down.
What would Ashton do?
Jesus loves you. But I'm his favorite.
If you see this vehicle being operated in an unsafe manner, try to think of it as one more anomaly in the cosmic order. (thanks to Martin Mooney)
An Apple a day keeps Windows away.
This bumper sticker intentionally left blank.
When you do a good deed, get a receipt in case heaven is like the IRS.
What would Gandalf do?
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.
Double your drive space. Delete Windows.
Does anal retentive have a hyphen?
If it ain't broke, take it apart and fix it.
Cat: the other white meat. (thanks to Buddy O.)
Resistance is futile (if > 1 ohm).
My mother was a moonshiner, and I love her still.
MOP AND GLO - The floor wax used by Three Mile Island cleanup team.
I'm Canadian. It's like being American, but without the gun.
Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.
The control key on the keyboard does not work.
The meek shall inherit the earth, after we're through with it.
Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!
Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up.
National Sarcasm Society. (Like we need your support)
Nuke the Whales! We'll hunt them at night.
Jesus loves you! Everybody else thinks you're a jerk.
Lawyers have feelings too (allegedly).
If there is no God, who always pops up that next Kleenex?
Too much Pluribus, not enough Unum.
Forget world peace; visualize using your turn signal.
What wouldn't Jesus do?
Ask me about my compost pile.
If you believe in telepathy, think about honking.
People like you are the reason people like me need medication.
I'm retired. Go around me. (thanks to Buddy O.)
Every time you open your mouth, some idiot starts talking.
The box said Windows 2000 or better. So I installed Linux.
Use the best: Linux for servers, Mac for graphics, Windows for Solitaire.
I found Jesus - he was behind the sofa all the time.
So many cats, so few recipes.
Save the trees, wipe your butt with an owl.
Don't make me mad. I'm running out of places to hide the bodies. (thanks to Brett)
I plan to live forever. So far, so good! (thanks to Jake M.)
Rock is dead. Long live paper and scissors.
Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
Some days, it's not even worth chewing through the restraints. (thanks to Darlene Forsman)
Veni, Vidi, Velcro. I came, I saw, I stuck around. (thanks to Evets)
On the journey of life, I choose the psycho path.
On your mark, get set, go away!
What would Scooby do?
Honk if the twins fall out. (thanks to Will)
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
Sorry I missed church. I've been busy practicing witchcraft and becoming a lesbian. (thanks to Tananda)
Let's skip the insults and get right down to your butt kicking!
I don't have a beer gut, I have a protective covering for my rock hard abs.
My drinking team has a bowling problem. (thanks to Bromond)
Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
I am not infantile, you stinky poopyhead.
I had the right to remain silent, but I didn't have the ability. (thanks to Kenneth Dockery)
If you can read this, you're not the president.
To err is human, to blame it on somebody else shows management potential.
You read my bumper sticker. That's enough social interaction for today. (thanks to Jacob)
Liberal Arts major: will think for food.
Adjure obfuscation. (thanks to Betty)
Visualize Whirled Peas
If you can read this, I've lost the trailer!
Stoplights timed for 30 mph are also timed for 60 mph.
I didn't climb all the way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
Don't treat me any differently than you would the Queen.
Practice safe lunch: Use a condiment.
What we need is a patch for stupidity!
Follow that car, Godzilla - and step on it!
Frankly, Scallop, I don't give a clam.
Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up!
I fought the lawn, and the lawn won.
If you can't read this, thank the teacher's union.
I always finish what I st
Procrastinate now.
The last time politics and religion were mixed, people were burned at the stake.
Rehab is for quitters.
My dog can lick anyone!
I have a degree in Liberal Arts - do you want fries with that?
Suburbia: Where they tear out the trees and name streets after them.
Do they ever shut up on your planet?
If you were born again, would you have two bellybuttons?
All men are idiots, and I married their King.
West Virginia: One million people, and 15 last names.
I'm out of estrogen and I've got a gun!
I'm always late. My ancestors arrived on the Juneflower.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
Who are these children, and why do they keep calling me Mom?
The trouble with life is there's no background music.
Mop and Glo - The floor wax used by Three-Mile-Island cleanup team.
NyQuil - The stuffy, sneezy, why-the-hell-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
Quoting one is plagiarism. Quoting many is research.
Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap. You choose.
Gravity: It's not just a good idea. It's the law.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
You - Off my planet.
If you are what you eat, I'm fast, cheap and easy.
Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
And your cry-baby whiny-assed opinion would be...?
Warning: Dates on calendar are closer than they appear.
I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 30 years.
Allow me to introduce my selves.
Sarcasm is just one more service I offer.
Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you weren't asleep.
I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one.
There's no place like 127.0.0.1
I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?
I'm supposed to back up my hard drive, but how do I put it into reverse?
You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing.
Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
Chaos, panic, and disorder - my work here is done.
Earth is full. Go home.
Is it time for your medication or mine?
Nyquil: the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-hell-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
How do I set a laser printer to stun?
Getting on your feet means getting off your butt.
I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.
First National Bank of Dad; Sorry, closed.
In dog years, I'm dead!
South Korea's got Seoul!
Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye opener.
Above all else, sky. (thanks to Evets)
To err is human, to forgive divine. Neither is government policy. (thanks to Jacob)
The trouble with the gene pool is that there's no lifeguard.
God made us sisters; Prozac made us friends.
IRS: Be Audit You Can Be
My mother is a travel agent for guilt trips.
Senior Citizen: Give me my damn discount!
(Spotted on a passing motorcycle): If you can read this, my wife fell off!
I used to be schizophrenic, but we're OK now.
Wanted: Meaningful overnight relationship.
I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes.
Anything not worth doing is not worth doing well.
A day without sunshine is like night.
First things first, but not necessarily in that order.
Old age comes at a bad time.
If going to church makes you a Christian, does going into a garage make you a car?
In America, anyone can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
You're just jealous because the voices only talk to ME.
What I really need are minions.
Beer: It's not just for breakfast anymore.
So you're a feminist. Isn't that cute?
I'm an English major: You do the math.
I need someone real bad. Are you real bad?
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
The more you complain the longer God makes you live.
I R S: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
Out of my mind - back in five minutes.
Without ME, it's just AWESO.
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
Life would be easier if I had the source code.
Hang up and drive.
Nebraska: At least the cows are sane.
God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
I said "no" to drugs, but they didn't listen.
Your kid may be an Honor Student, but YOU'RE still an idiot.
I fish, therefore I lie.
Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
If catapults are outlawed, only outlaws will have catapults.
It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
Don't drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill your drink.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Rap is to music as Etch-A-Sketch is to art.
Honk If you want to see my finger.
God is my co-pilot, but the Devil is my bombardier.
I don't have a license to kill. I have a learner's permit.
Keep honking while I reload.
Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either!
Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
EARTH FIRST! We'll strip-mine the other planets later.
If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.
Save the whales! Trade them for valuable prizes.
Whitewater is over when the First Lady sings.
Jack Kevorkian for White House physician.
My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her (or something like that).
Constipation causes people not to give a crap.
Sure you can trust the government! Just ask a native American!
Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive.
Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them!
Veni, Vedi, Visa: I Came, I Saw, I did a little shopping.
What if the hokey pokey is really what it's all about?
If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0!
Driver carries no cash. He's married.
All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
Karaoke bars combine two of the nation's greatest evils: people who shouldn't drink with people who shouldn't sing.
If I get you advantage, can I take drunk of you?
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
Watch out for the idiot behind me.
I drive far too fast to worry about cholesterol!
So you're kids no honor student. Society needs laborers.
Honk if you hate peace and quiet.
I have the body of a god. Buddha.
In case of rapture, can I have your car?
Never miss a good opportunity to shut up.
I doubt, therefore I might be.
Your stupid!
When cryptography is outlawed, bayl bhgynjf jvyy unir cevinpl.
There are 10 types of people in the world. Those who understand binary, and those who don't.
Don't bother honking or flashing your lights, I'm deaf and blind.
Honk if you've never seen a gun fired from a moving vehicle.
Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening all at once.
If it isn't broken, fix it until it is.
Thank God I'm an atheist.
Never knock on Death's door. Ring the bell and run, he hates that.
Some days it's just not worth gnawing through the leather straps.
It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
New Mexico: Cleaner than regular Mexico.
Jesus died for my sins and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.
Archaeologists will date any old thing.
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
If you're happy and you know it see a shrink.
Vegetarian: Indian word for lousy hunter.
Worry. God knows all about you.
I drive the speed limit. If you don't like it, call a cop!
Vote Democrat - it's easier than working!
Vote Republican - it's easier than thinking!
Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button.
Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.
Source:funny2.com
